We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize