If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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