are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
