Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
