he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
