I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
