ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
