Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
