I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I sprained my soul last night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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