either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
