i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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