Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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