Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
