He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
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Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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