Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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