I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
