Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
