Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm always down for nudity.
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