Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
