I feel great
I just peed on a car
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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