Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
