be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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