i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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