I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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