Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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