Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
