i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
