I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
