i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
