just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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