i need an iv and a liver transplant
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
