just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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