Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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