I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
