She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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