My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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