Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
