A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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