Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
