chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
