I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I stole a fireplace last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
