Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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