I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
