We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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