i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
