Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
