I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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