Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
