He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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