gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
