FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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