You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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