So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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