I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
