Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
