I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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