I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
