If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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