I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
