We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
