I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
