They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
