she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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