no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
