Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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