I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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