Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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