I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
