Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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