So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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