If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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