MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Mom said you looked used
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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